Loss:
My family has had a lot this month. My husband lost his Grandma a couple weeks ago. We had to have our 10 year old dog put down last Friday, and I just found out that an Aunt is going to die in the next few days. It has been a month filled with sadness and loss. It seems like we just start feeling a bit better about something, and WHAM! something else hits us.
Pain:
I have auto-immune diseases which are painful. However, it appears that emotional pain can actually trigger physical pain. Lately I have been feeling *really* bad. I chalked it up to my recent business trip added to the stress of the loss of my husband's Grandma and having to have our dog put down. However, my Rheumatologist said differently. It appears that they have found a bunch of links between our emotional feelings and sensation of pain. People with certain medical conditions experience great physical pain along with the emotional. It's also why stress triggers auto-immune "flares". This Dr. appointment had its ups and downs. On the down side, it was revealed that I actually have Fibromyalgia on top of my Arthritis and "Lupus". This Dr. is just treating me as basically an auto-immune basket case, which is what I prefer. Why bother trying to classify it anymore? I rather just get treated. On the up side, I got new drugs, which should prove if they are working after a month or so of use. Hopefully they will since I'm getting really tired. Right now I am trying to recover from the emotional/physical pain that has been hurled at me this month. Hopefully it will subside soon since Halloween parties and my daughter's Birthday are almost here.
Dreams:
I tend to have odd dreams. I watch them (all of them) in 3rd person. I also see them in Black and White, even though I have been told that's not possible. Hey, if I could show them to you, I would.
Anyway, last night I had the absolute freakiest dream I have ever had. I know that I can't give the whole picture, but I will give the highlights. It started out with me sitting in the backyard of the house I grew up in. I realized that my recently deceased dog was sitting by me nudging me to pet him. Pretty normal until the scene changed to me sitting with this dog at my in-laws talking to my husband's recently deceased Grandma that was giving me instructions on how to use her KitchenAid mixer attachments (it's the one thing that I am "inheriting" from her). She thanked me for the picture that her husband likes to look at everyday, and told me to be good to my husband. I gave her a hug and walk outside with my dog following me with his odd little walk and barking because he sees another dog.
This is where it gets really odd. The other dog is a hunting dog. It walks up to us, then walks a little distance and looks back. We follow him. We then end up back up north where I grew up, but this time we are in a neighbor's woods. I look around, and the dog is way up in front of me chasing a rabbit. The rabbit changes direction back at the dog. I hear a shot, and the dog falls. I then see my neighbor, who I grew up with, walk up to the dog, fall to his knees and start crying. He then turns the gun on himself and kills himself.
The person in my dream killed himself a few years ago. The story that I was told is that he was living by himself, was broke, and only had his dog. One day he went into the woods, killed his dog, then killed himself. But, my dream makes me wonder if that was the series of events, or if my dream is remembering something about his personality that sheds different light on what happened. Would somebody that is so down kill themselves because they accidentally shot their own dog? I guess I will never know.
Loss, Pain and Dreams.......my how things can mess with you.